How far will you go for your love?

How far can one go for his love is one hell of a dare question. It’s one of the most frequently asked questions by my beloved friends and concerned well-wishers. How far can one really go for his love? I have read about Savitri who went after Yamraj, begging for her husband’s life and how finally she got it. I know the story of Sati, Lord Shiva’s first wife, who had committed suicide for she couldn’t stand her father insulting her husband. All these are fiction and I really doubt that in reality, would anyone care to go after the person he loves so much and confess that “yes I screwed it up, I was driven by my ego” and beg to come back. But again it all depends upon individual attitude and perception towards one’s life.

I always thought that boys are like line buses. If one goes, another would come very soon. With India’s population being 1 billion, even if screwed up with a few, I have at least 1 million eligible bachelors to woo. But I was wrong, immature and confused. I never expected to fall in love the way I did and that too miserably. My love had made me shed my inhibitions and wrong perceptions. And right now I am waiting to board my flight to Indore. Yup!!!!!

Rajiv and I met at a party and got introduced to each other by a mutual friend. He is not the one with whom you will get easily smitten. He is a typical tall, dark and lanky with eyes that have magnetic power. His beetle black eyes surely had some power. Around the time when we met, I always found the way he beamed at a person to be so lovely and romantic, and it made me burst out in giggles. We clicked on like the cogs of same machine and talked on and on like we were old friends.

We chatted, tweeted, texted, and within one week time, we became close friends who know each other inside out. The best thing I loved about him is that I never had to explain the reason why I said something. He always read my mind and never judged me based on what I said or did. I liked the way he reflected me back. For his love for photography and painting, we dedicated our Sundays to go places in search of scenery and views. He was an amateur drum player  and spent his Saturday mornings jamming with friends. There were many similarities between us, our temper, likes, dislikes, thinking process, everything was similar. He wrote poems so lovely that the reader would go melting into the poem. I loved reading his writings and spent my weekends watching his plays with him. Those days were awesome when my life literally revolved around him.

It’s really hard to predict the exact the moment when you will fall in love and how. Same goes in our case, we fell in love without even realizing it. It would be better to say that we did not want to overlook the friendship we had. But the realization came up in the form of the most beautiful situation in my life and it ended up as the most wretched one. Among Shakespearean plays, Macbeth is my favorite and Romeo and Juliet happens to be the least favorite one. Rajiv loved Romeo and Juliet for its passion and always insisted that I should watch it. But every time I rebuffed his idea telling that I can’t stand and reason with those silly misunderstandings and confusions which deterred the star-crossed lovers from uniting. But that day, December 21 to be precise, I couldn’t refuse it, since that day was his birthday and he was adamant that I must watch him playing the part of Romeo. Thus I settled down to watch the play, only to see his eyes sparkling with joy. Romeo stole my heart with his love and passion and I desperately fell in love with him. After every scene, every act, I turned jealous of Juliet, for she owned Romeo’s undivided attention and not me.

After the play, I waited for him, for our usual weekend dinner. He quickly noticed my sulking face as soon as he came back from the green room, wearing my favorite black shirt and khaki colored trousers. His eyes twinkled as he found out that I loved his play, especially Romeo, from my face. He always read my mind just by looking at my face and I both loved and hated him for it. Throughout the drive to our favorite Chinese restaurant, I kept on bragging about how much I loved Romeo and that he should have dated me instead of Juliet who suspected him every now and then. He chuckled at my ‘10 reasons – why Romeo should marry me’, which I had came up for my love of Romeo. At the restaurant also, Romeo had my undivided attention and I was all words for his passion, the way he looked at Juliet intensely, how each misunderstanding pierced his heart saturated with love for her. I did act by act, scene by scene analysis of the play and Rajiv sat opposite to me, leaning forward with his chin resting on his folded hands. His black eyes twinkled every time I talked possessively of Romeo. We discussed about passion, love, betrayal, loyalty, separation, exploring the different facets of Romeo. The restaurant people had a hard time in shooing us from the restaurant, for we had kept them up until 12 midnight, way past their usual closing time. We had been sitting there and talking for the last 4 hrs.

Rajiv offered to drop me home and our conversation headed towards a new direction. We talked about settling down in life and our concepts about prospective spouses. In between the way we stopped at Amul shop to have Ras Malai and finally reached my apartment by 1 am. As usual he walked me to my flat and our banter took a U-turn and reached Romeo and Juliet again. We reached my flat and it’s time to say bye, but we still had so much to talk and listen. I unwillingly took the keys from my bag, unlocked the door and lit the lights. After saying an impromptu bye and good night, he turned and walked towards the lift.

I stayed there at the door for a brief moment, watching him waiting for the lift and slowly turned back to home as I realized that a smile has bloomed on my lips. It was only a matter of seconds, he called my name and came to me leaving the lift doors which had now lay open welcoming him. I beamed at him, wondering what has made him come back. He came to my side, facing me and told that he had something to tell me. I waited for his words, smiling at him, looking in to his black twinkling eyes. Rajiv lifted his right hand and stroked my left cheek ever so lightly, tickling me. In his eyes I saw my Romeo, his undivided attention and love only for me. With his left hand he tucked my hair behind my right ear and leaned forward ever so slowly. I closed my eyes expecting my first kiss while feeling his breathing on my face which scented like musk, similar to his perfume.

It’s the pause before the kiss that makes it, especially the first kiss beautiful. We could hear our heart beats racing fast as we got millimeters apart from each other. I felt his lips brushing lightly against mine. My senses swam in his musk perfume and I slowly got intoxicated while expecting my first kiss. Something had happened to him in the next second, a new realization, a change in decision, I do not know, but I could sense it from his ragged breathing which fell hard against my skin. He took his hands from my cheek as if in a reflex action. These sudden actions shook me to roots and I opened my eyes to see his face wary in shame. I tried to read his eyes, looking for a reason that could explain this sudden change. He was lost in a confusion, as if he had done something which he shouldn’t have done in first place. He looked  in to my eyes and there I saw regret reflected back in his eyes. He mumbled a vague sorry before dashing to the lift, opening the doors with an abrupt tap on the switch and got into it. He had disappeared behind those doors, trying to hide from me, leaving me transfixed to the door step, dejected, confused and heartbroken.

Whole night I waited for his call in vain. Rajiv did not leave me any choice than confronting him at his place. I headed to his apartment while my mind was busy trying to find a reason that could justify the regret in his eyes. I reached his home only to discover that he had left the place forever. His neighbor, who was also his landlord, told me that he had left in a hurry, taking his things as if he was fleeing with his life. He gave me the letter which Rajiv had written to me in a scratchy handwriting, apologizing for the last night incident which he thought shouldn’t have happened. He also said that this was not what he wanted in his life and it’s better for me if this ended up like this. My brain tried hard to reason with his fleeing from me without answering my questions, which according to him happens to be the apt way to end a relationship. I tried his mobile number several times only to get a female voice declaring the number to be invalid. I held the letter to my heart, at a loss to understand how could he take this decision without even knowing what I wanted in my life. How could he think of leaving the city without telling even me, his best friend? With a heaving heart I drove back to my home, trying hard to embrace the fact that the person whom I thought to be my friend, whom I claimed to know inside out no longer remain to be the same man, but a coward who is afraid to answer the questions which would reveal his truthfulness, the real him. My eyes mourned for the premature death of trust I had on Rajiv.

Part – 2

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